Randall Dean Scott

Writing it down.

a tired love

the problem
was that I loved her

when I was angry
during the process of grieving
I could feel nothing
but absolute adoration
toward the woman
who had proven to me
that relationships
can be fulfilling

our communication
had always been lucid and
neither of us settled
for anything less than truth
she always knew
how I felt and her intentions
were always clear but
the unavoidable day came
when she had…

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unconscious assimilation

I’m spinning my wheels
yet another explosion in my subconscious
mind I can feel my soul
scabbing over which explains the nightmares
alert enough to wake up and escape but
tossing and turning and reentering
the same dream again and you’re there
in distress and there’s nothing I can do
except watch life unfold as I do now
feeling a bit pointless yet knowing it all means
something somehow or someway

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5 Ways People Can Be Emotionally Unavailable

5 Ways People Can Be Emotionally Unavailable

randalldeanscott:

5 Ways People Can Be Emotionally Unavailable
- http://sexinmiami.wordpress.com/

Originally posted on sexandmiami:

                                   feelings                  One thing all emotionally unavailable people have in  common is their compulsive avoidance of intimacy while they are constantly searching  for an intimate relationship. Although some emotionally unavailable…

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the tears well up from nowhere

the tears well up from nowhere

So many mornings
I wonder where the hell
I am and
how I got here
despite being the one
who physically packed my bags and
moved to Oregon
I wake up and brew my coffee
Papa Coffee as we liked to call it
sipping it without you
no more silly banter before work
coffee and titties or tushi waggles
all the inside jokes
that kept us chuckling
no more sneaking in on you
in the shower but instead
choking…

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what you’re not

what you’re not

They fall in love
with who you are
but then they leave you
because of what you are not
maybe you’ve
got no job or
you smoke cigarettes or
you’re not quite
what they hoped you’d be
in the sack yet
years tangled in smiles and
suddenly something’s
not quite right
they want space
maybe a break
all the while trying to convince you
that it’s not you
it’s me
it’s me they insist but
the truth is that
we…

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one buck

Can you spare some
change?

I stopped
Dug in
one dollar in a side pocket
on my cargo jeans
I pull it
untwist George Washington’s
face and the man smiled.

That’s not your last one
is it buddy?

I nodded no
gave him a thumbs up
You’re good man
all good

I walked on
wondering what he might
have said if
it had been my last bone
his eyes and voice
were as sincere as a little girl
saying mommy
I cut my…

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outside your arms

When I think
about being away from you
it knocks the wind
out of me
I’ve walked this road before
the tossing and
turning most nights
using alcohol
to help me sleep and
waking up
to a lonesome moon
thinking you are
there beside me
but then remembering
you are in another state
asking myself why
the stars must align this way
yes I remember
exactly how it feels
to be breathless
outside your arms
a…

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part-time thrills

the gods commanded
that I grow a beard
so I could get into character
for the kinky gals
in Portland
who like to call me daddy
while fucking
it’s a strange sensation
to take a bite
out of Adam and Eve’s apple
the forbidden fruit of fantasy
fetish desires too raw
for this hypocritical humanity
a society built on judgment
a bullshit platform called truth
yet we lie daily to survive
this corrupt…

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happy hour

they take three bucks
you get one tallboy can of PBR
an old school movie ticket
which is good for one more
that’s a buck-fifty per beer but
to get the deal you buy two and
the tickets can be used
any day of the week
between three and seven
I like to pay cash for each beer and
stack my tickets up
have backup brews for a rain day
the bar’s called Macy’s
in downtown Portland
most will tell you that…

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the switch

I lost the girl
got a new gig
that’s at least something
back on track
in Oregon with my original
gut-felt plan
one I never should have parted with
but I’ve always been a sucker
so here I am writing again and thinking
dreaming about what could have been
what might have been but
it’s always love one day and
heartache the next
when yet another woman
says she loves me
but then so simply flips
the…

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